MOMMY GENIUS IN THE MAKING
You ever have one of those breakthrough moments in parenting? It sure makes you wish that there were a Nobel Prize for Grand Achievements of Mommyhood, because you know that in that moment, you'd clinch it. Sure, your "invention" wouldn't actually improve anyone else's lives, but for you and your baby, the improvement in quality of life is vast. You've solved a centuries-old problem (hey, in baby years a couple of problematic months can feel like centuries) simply through your own ingenuity and perserverance. You should at least get a cookie or a sticker or *something*.
My grand accomplishment this week has been to improve the Changing of the Dirty Diaper. Our previous routine went something like this:
-Unfasten diaper and groan when you see that poop is smeared front to back.
-Grasp both baby ankles in one hand to hoist the little poopy butt in the air.
-Do the famous First-Pass Wipe with the soiled diaper itself.
-Continue holding baby's ankles in the air to keep still-poopy butt from smearing all over the changing table mat.
-Pause to catch and restrain your little boy's grabby hands when he suddenly realizes that he's free down there.
-Alternate between wiping poop off with wet wipes and keeping boy's hands away from poop-covered genitals, all the while keeping his ankles aloft and butt off the mat, until the twisting baby is ready to fling himself off the table in screaming distress and you feel like jumping out the window yourself.
As you can see, this routine had some obvious need for improvement. Even when offered a toy as distraction, Jake was still not too wild about being partially hog-tied for several minutes, and who could blame him? But it seemed my only alternatives were either to let Jake grab his poop-covered self with little hands that always find their way back to his mouth, or to buy enough mat covers to have on hand to change after every dirty diaper. Since the first option is just plain gross, and the second option would cause Dan to question why I needed to do a laundry load of nothing but mat covers every day, I knew there had to be a better way.
Okay, so I didn't *know* there had to be a better way, but I pleaded with the universe at large to please let this whole experience get a little easier. And miraculously, it did!
Our most recent dirty diaper change routine was drastically changed by the use of one extra baby wipe:
-Unfasten diaper, still groaning over the mess one little boy can make.
-Use the diaper to wipe away poop from the genitals only, keeping the rear end covered.
-STOP, and wipe poop off genitals with wet wipes before he realizes he's free.
-Once genitals are poop-free, allow the happy little boy to grab himself at will while you continue cleaning.
-VERY quickly, hoist the baby up by the ankles JUST long enough to finish the dirty-diaper wipe, and to spread a clean wet wipe under his poopy butt, which can now be set down.
-Leisurely wipe off remaining poopy areas with wet wipes, eventually discarding the now-poopy spare wet wipe from under his now-clean butt, while he happily continues to play with himself and to babble to the wall about the experience.
Of course, like any new breakthrough with a baby, this will take repeated testing to verify that it wasn't just the novelty of the situation that pacified the baby. I've bragged before about wonderful routine changes and how much better Jake behaved, blah blah blah. Almost as soon as the words are out of my mouth, Jake quickly gets used to the new routine and rebels against it with every bit as much vigor (and sometimes more) as he did before.
So maybe we shouldn't have Nobel Prizes for Grand Achievements of Mommyhood. After each annual award acceptance, the next week's newspaper headlines would feature an internationally embarrassed mommy returning the award because her little darling figured out a way to overcome her improvements. No pat on the back would be worth that much potential risk of humiliation. It's bad enough facing the glint in your little one's eyes when he knows, and you know, that he's got you figured out yet again.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Food For Thought
I'M WITH THE BABY
Dan and I had our first date night in a while last Sunday. The evening was a wonderful success. My favorite part was walking to and from the movie theater with empty arms... unheard of! However, the service at the restaurant felt a little flat. The server forgot our bread and was somewhat oblivious to our empty beverage glasses. It was no big deal, we simply had to remind her, but we still felt slightly bereft. Then I realized why.
We didn't have Jake with us.
Dining with Jake at a restaurant is like dining with a mini-celebrity. Servers and patrons alike fawn and coo whenever he's around. Servers swarm to attend to his every need, and sometimes crowd around two rows deep to entertain him and coax flirtatious smiles from his sweet little face. I can easily summon someone from the outer edges with suggestions like "Could the baby have some water?" or "Do you have any crayons?" and a couple of servers will peel away with the fervor of a Pony Express rider, eager to accomodate Jake's slightest whim or comfort. Of course, we tip generously, but still we realize the servers' true reward comes when Jake deigns to flash those six little pearly whites in their direction.
IF THEY ONLY KNEW
Jake is so pleasing and entertaining when we dine out, that it's hard to imagine the change in personality when he's seated in his highchair at home. Perhaps the illustration would be best described by a comparison to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde:
Dr. Jake In-Public bounces happily up and down in his booster chair.
Mr. Jake At-Home bucks and arches his back to get out of his highchair the moment he's in.
Dr. Jake In-Public flirts happily with the servers before coyly accepting bites of offered food.
Mr. Jake At-Home refuses all bites and eventually tastes the tidbits on his tray, only to spit them out in his lap.
Dr. Jake In-Public will quietly sip his beverage while peering around docilely at his fellow diners.
Mr. Jake At-Home will reach for his cup of juice only to screech and turn his head when it's proffered.
Dr. Jake In-Public is too distracted by his surroundings to play with his food.
Mr. Jake At-Home revels in smearing and staining his highchair tray, clothes, his hair, Mommy, his inner ear, and the floor with his food.
People might find it hard to believe that I would happily volunteer to get a root canal in someone's place if they were willing to feed Jake at home for me for a couple days. At least with the root canal I'd have access to painkillers.
WAIT JUST A MINUTE, MISTER
Father's Day is here, and to help Dan relax and enjoy his day I planned to do some of the things he did for me on Mother's Day to relax. I thought about volunteering to do all the diaper changes for the day. Wait... I already do that. So then I thought about taking care of all Jake's feedings. Wait... I already do that too. Hmmm... bathing, temper tantrums, boo-boos... I was started to feel put-out and miffed.
But only for a minute.
Then I realized that a lot of the day-to-day work I do around the house is echoed by all the work that Dan does to support it. Sure, I do most of the diaper changes, but Dan works to provide the money to pay for those diapers and wipes. I handle most of Jake's feedings, but Dan provides the means to feed all of us, including treats that we might not need. Through Dan's support, I'm able to dedicate my days to caring for Jake, and I can avoid the worry and stress of finding someone else to care for him. Even the sheer number of hours Dan works to allow Jake and I a typical day of grocery shopping, swimming at the Y, and going to playgroups are mind-boggling when all added up.
Fathers are often listed as secondary parents, as also-rans in the final credits of a grown child's life, with mommies receiving top-billing. The visible hours I put into raising Jake are matched by the mostly invisible work Dan puts in to provide for and protect us, yes, both Jake and myself. Every family is different, and every family member has different roles to play. In our family, Dan is the steel infrastructure, the metal and gears, the precision circuitry that keeps the delicate machinery of our family life running smoothly.
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, DAN!
Jake is so lucky to have such a wonderful daddy as you. I will do my best to make sure he realizes this as he grows through childhood. And I hope that he grows into your fortitude, selflessness, and love when he becomes a man himself.
Dan and I had our first date night in a while last Sunday. The evening was a wonderful success. My favorite part was walking to and from the movie theater with empty arms... unheard of! However, the service at the restaurant felt a little flat. The server forgot our bread and was somewhat oblivious to our empty beverage glasses. It was no big deal, we simply had to remind her, but we still felt slightly bereft. Then I realized why.
We didn't have Jake with us.
Dining with Jake at a restaurant is like dining with a mini-celebrity. Servers and patrons alike fawn and coo whenever he's around. Servers swarm to attend to his every need, and sometimes crowd around two rows deep to entertain him and coax flirtatious smiles from his sweet little face. I can easily summon someone from the outer edges with suggestions like "Could the baby have some water?" or "Do you have any crayons?" and a couple of servers will peel away with the fervor of a Pony Express rider, eager to accomodate Jake's slightest whim or comfort. Of course, we tip generously, but still we realize the servers' true reward comes when Jake deigns to flash those six little pearly whites in their direction.
IF THEY ONLY KNEW
Jake is so pleasing and entertaining when we dine out, that it's hard to imagine the change in personality when he's seated in his highchair at home. Perhaps the illustration would be best described by a comparison to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde:
Dr. Jake In-Public bounces happily up and down in his booster chair.
Mr. Jake At-Home bucks and arches his back to get out of his highchair the moment he's in.
Dr. Jake In-Public flirts happily with the servers before coyly accepting bites of offered food.
Mr. Jake At-Home refuses all bites and eventually tastes the tidbits on his tray, only to spit them out in his lap.
Dr. Jake In-Public will quietly sip his beverage while peering around docilely at his fellow diners.
Mr. Jake At-Home will reach for his cup of juice only to screech and turn his head when it's proffered.
Dr. Jake In-Public is too distracted by his surroundings to play with his food.
Mr. Jake At-Home revels in smearing and staining his highchair tray, clothes, his hair, Mommy, his inner ear, and the floor with his food.
People might find it hard to believe that I would happily volunteer to get a root canal in someone's place if they were willing to feed Jake at home for me for a couple days. At least with the root canal I'd have access to painkillers.
WAIT JUST A MINUTE, MISTER
Father's Day is here, and to help Dan relax and enjoy his day I planned to do some of the things he did for me on Mother's Day to relax. I thought about volunteering to do all the diaper changes for the day. Wait... I already do that. So then I thought about taking care of all Jake's feedings. Wait... I already do that too. Hmmm... bathing, temper tantrums, boo-boos... I was started to feel put-out and miffed.
But only for a minute.
Then I realized that a lot of the day-to-day work I do around the house is echoed by all the work that Dan does to support it. Sure, I do most of the diaper changes, but Dan works to provide the money to pay for those diapers and wipes. I handle most of Jake's feedings, but Dan provides the means to feed all of us, including treats that we might not need. Through Dan's support, I'm able to dedicate my days to caring for Jake, and I can avoid the worry and stress of finding someone else to care for him. Even the sheer number of hours Dan works to allow Jake and I a typical day of grocery shopping, swimming at the Y, and going to playgroups are mind-boggling when all added up.
Fathers are often listed as secondary parents, as also-rans in the final credits of a grown child's life, with mommies receiving top-billing. The visible hours I put into raising Jake are matched by the mostly invisible work Dan puts in to provide for and protect us, yes, both Jake and myself. Every family is different, and every family member has different roles to play. In our family, Dan is the steel infrastructure, the metal and gears, the precision circuitry that keeps the delicate machinery of our family life running smoothly.
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, DAN!
Jake is so lucky to have such a wonderful daddy as you. I will do my best to make sure he realizes this as he grows through childhood. And I hope that he grows into your fortitude, selflessness, and love when he becomes a man himself.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
How about a round of applause?
GIMME A HAND...
We all know the value of positive reinforcement on the people around us, but it's so easy to get caught up in the mindless minutaie of daily living that we forget to value our loved ones accordingly. Until, that is, a certain small one reminds you how much it's appreciated.
Jake LOVES applause. I rediscovered this one day while I was caught up in my usual household chores frenzy. My habit had become to thank Jake for "finding" items he's not supposed to play with. "Oh, thank you Jake, for finding that fork Mommy dropped on the floor. Yes, it's too sharp to play with," I babble while extricating said object from Jake's little fingers. But then one day I decided to burst into applause at Jake's exploratory successes. Oh, how his eyes lit up! He stood taller, grinned wider, and began doing what Dan and I can only describe as his Happy Butt Dance. Whenever Jake is particularly pleased with himself or enthusiastic about something, that cute little behind starts wiggling. The round of applause spawned a Happy Butt Dance so energetic that Jake fell over from the effort.
Since then, I've done what any mommy of a burgeoning toddler would do: I've manipulated the applause to help in everyday situations. Jake is wiggling around too much on the changing table to put a new diaper on? Time to applaud! Suddenly he's lying peacefully, soaking up the praise with a big grin. Jake is whining because I've put my beverage out of his reach? Time to applaud! Now he's dancing around the edge of the couch, flirting and shaking his head.
At first I kept expecting that the applause would become a gimmick that Jake would tire of quickly, like so many other distraction methods we've tried. But no, he has not yet tired of the waves of praise that wash over him more regularly than any ocean tide. This is something I hope we both remember for a long, long time.
... OR A SPOON!
Jake's favorite habit this week has been to hold something while he eats. He's always been particular about feeding himself. He's known to refuse anything offered to him, but to happily pluck it out of your hand to shove whole-fisted into his own mouth. And his favorite foods also have been the ones that he could hold while eating, such as french fries and biter biscuits.
Now, however, the need for excessive control on Jake's part has led him to need to hold onto something ELSE while eating too. I happened to be spooning food onto his highchair tray one day when suddenly Jake lunged after the spoon. "What can it hurt?" I thought to myself. "It's just a spoon." The rest of the meal Jake firmly held the spoon aloft like a mini royal sceptre, while he appeared to be a mini Henry VIII, picking up bits of food with his free hand to shove into his mouth.
We all knew Jake was in charge around here, but it was amusing to finally find out the nature of his sovereignty. I suppose the mere serfs, ie Dan and myself, should start to worry if Jake ever starts referring to the royal "we"!
LITTLE CUDDLE POSSUM
Jake is continuing the habit of "fake sleep". This is the method he employs to gain extra cuddle time when he's supposed to be sleeping in his crib. The fake sleep that Dan and I used to quietly chuckle at and enjoy has become a lot less enjoyable now that Jake has resumed middle-of-the-night wakings. It's not as cute or funny when you stumble sleepily down the hall to lay Jake down at 3:45am, only to have his little head pop up and that little face light up in a big Cheshire grin. Trust me when I say that we're definitely not in the mood to applaud at these times.
We all know the value of positive reinforcement on the people around us, but it's so easy to get caught up in the mindless minutaie of daily living that we forget to value our loved ones accordingly. Until, that is, a certain small one reminds you how much it's appreciated.
Jake LOVES applause. I rediscovered this one day while I was caught up in my usual household chores frenzy. My habit had become to thank Jake for "finding" items he's not supposed to play with. "Oh, thank you Jake, for finding that fork Mommy dropped on the floor. Yes, it's too sharp to play with," I babble while extricating said object from Jake's little fingers. But then one day I decided to burst into applause at Jake's exploratory successes. Oh, how his eyes lit up! He stood taller, grinned wider, and began doing what Dan and I can only describe as his Happy Butt Dance. Whenever Jake is particularly pleased with himself or enthusiastic about something, that cute little behind starts wiggling. The round of applause spawned a Happy Butt Dance so energetic that Jake fell over from the effort.
Since then, I've done what any mommy of a burgeoning toddler would do: I've manipulated the applause to help in everyday situations. Jake is wiggling around too much on the changing table to put a new diaper on? Time to applaud! Suddenly he's lying peacefully, soaking up the praise with a big grin. Jake is whining because I've put my beverage out of his reach? Time to applaud! Now he's dancing around the edge of the couch, flirting and shaking his head.
At first I kept expecting that the applause would become a gimmick that Jake would tire of quickly, like so many other distraction methods we've tried. But no, he has not yet tired of the waves of praise that wash over him more regularly than any ocean tide. This is something I hope we both remember for a long, long time.
... OR A SPOON!
Jake's favorite habit this week has been to hold something while he eats. He's always been particular about feeding himself. He's known to refuse anything offered to him, but to happily pluck it out of your hand to shove whole-fisted into his own mouth. And his favorite foods also have been the ones that he could hold while eating, such as french fries and biter biscuits.
Now, however, the need for excessive control on Jake's part has led him to need to hold onto something ELSE while eating too. I happened to be spooning food onto his highchair tray one day when suddenly Jake lunged after the spoon. "What can it hurt?" I thought to myself. "It's just a spoon." The rest of the meal Jake firmly held the spoon aloft like a mini royal sceptre, while he appeared to be a mini Henry VIII, picking up bits of food with his free hand to shove into his mouth.
We all knew Jake was in charge around here, but it was amusing to finally find out the nature of his sovereignty. I suppose the mere serfs, ie Dan and myself, should start to worry if Jake ever starts referring to the royal "we"!
LITTLE CUDDLE POSSUM
Jake is continuing the habit of "fake sleep". This is the method he employs to gain extra cuddle time when he's supposed to be sleeping in his crib. The fake sleep that Dan and I used to quietly chuckle at and enjoy has become a lot less enjoyable now that Jake has resumed middle-of-the-night wakings. It's not as cute or funny when you stumble sleepily down the hall to lay Jake down at 3:45am, only to have his little head pop up and that little face light up in a big Cheshire grin. Trust me when I say that we're definitely not in the mood to applaud at these times.
Sunday, June 3, 2007
Are we there yet?
DICHOTOMY BOY
I have two sons apparently. One son loves his playgroup so much that as soon as we get there, he's out of my arms exploring his surroundings and playing with his friends. He'd not notice if I suddenly left in the middle, as long as he had plenty of snacks and entertainment to last him the rest of the afternoon. My other son prefers to remain close by my side. As I wander through our house, trying to empty the dishwasher or wash a load of laundry, this son clings closely to my legs. He whines constantly to be picked up, and screams like his heart is broken if I leave the room without him. He will not stay even with Daddy, his hero, not even if Daddy has the bottle and all the toys. This son is terrified to let me out of his eyesight.
How could these boys possibly be related, and what are their names? Jake.
That's right, both of these boys are one and the same, our only son, Jake. The difference is so night and day that people who only see him in one setting are unwilling to believe that he could possibly be any different in other settings.
Just the other day, my mom was admonishing me that I needed to get Jake more involved in social groups. She advised, "He needs to be around other people more so that he can get over this need to be around you constantly."
Meanwhile, the ladies in our playgroup are amazed. With their sweet babies sitting in their laps, the other mommies remark, "That's great that he's so independent!" I'm sure they were musing quietly to themselves how much I'd be able to accomplish around the house with such an independent child.
Sigh.
Only my husband Dan seems to believe me when I describe the dual nature of our son's personality. Perhaps this is because he has also seen first hand the lightning change in the baby between quiet playtime to shrieking hysterics to giggling acrobatics, all within a minute's time. It's not so hard to believe that there's more than one little baby in that little body when witnessing such drastic mood swings.
ARE WE THERE YET?
I've been repeatedly admonished to "enjoy these moments while they last", but yet I still can't help looking ahead wistfully. Sure, watching Jake on the verge of entering toddlerhood is fun, but I wish constantly that Jake were just a *little* bit older so we could start having some real fun.
I wish this when we make our first trip to the outdoor pool of the season, and Jake screams his head off after the first 5 minutes because the water's cold, while the older kids are having a blast. I wish this when I check the local library's activity schedule, and see more than five kids' activities that look REALLY fun.... aimed at ages 3-6. I wish this when we forego our yearly trip to a local amusement park because Jake would not be old enough to enjoy the kiddie rides. I wish this when we go to the park, and the only thing Jake can enjoy are the baby swings, because he can't walk or climb over the other playground equipment. I wish this when Dan and I are enjoying bowls of ice cream to cool the hot summer evenings, and Jake looks wistfully at our ice cream, smacking his little lips for a cool treat too.
I know some of these wishes seem selfish, but really I wish these things for Jake's sake as well. Sure, I want to do more and enjoy more with him, but that's because I want to enjoy watching him have more fun. As it is, most of our excursions as attempts to enjoy summer activities and events seem to register with Jake as little more than everyday errands to the grocery store or such. In short, I want to have more fun by watching Jake have more fun.
Maybe this desire to rush Jake's progress into full toddlerhood fueled our impulse to give Jake his birthday present early. I found an amazing kiddie pool for Jake, complete with water slide, sprinklers, riding toy, and stacking rings. Well, yesterday I presented the idea to Dan that maybe we should go ahead and set the pool up for Jake so that we don't waste half the summer waiting for Jake's birthday to give him the pool. As always, a chance to not waste money appealed to Dan, so he set up the pool and attached the hose. The pool was beautifully bright and colorful; it was the epitomy of my best memories of fun in the summer sun. Jake played and explored the bright colors, and riding toy, and slide... for all of 5 minutes. Then he was more than ready to get out of the cold water.
Maybe years from now, as we're splashing Jake in the wave pool, or squirting each other in water gun fights, or watching Jake rush off to get in line for the big slide at the playground, we'll look back and miss the days of babyhood.
I look forward to the chance to find out.
I have two sons apparently. One son loves his playgroup so much that as soon as we get there, he's out of my arms exploring his surroundings and playing with his friends. He'd not notice if I suddenly left in the middle, as long as he had plenty of snacks and entertainment to last him the rest of the afternoon. My other son prefers to remain close by my side. As I wander through our house, trying to empty the dishwasher or wash a load of laundry, this son clings closely to my legs. He whines constantly to be picked up, and screams like his heart is broken if I leave the room without him. He will not stay even with Daddy, his hero, not even if Daddy has the bottle and all the toys. This son is terrified to let me out of his eyesight.
How could these boys possibly be related, and what are their names? Jake.
That's right, both of these boys are one and the same, our only son, Jake. The difference is so night and day that people who only see him in one setting are unwilling to believe that he could possibly be any different in other settings.
Just the other day, my mom was admonishing me that I needed to get Jake more involved in social groups. She advised, "He needs to be around other people more so that he can get over this need to be around you constantly."
Meanwhile, the ladies in our playgroup are amazed. With their sweet babies sitting in their laps, the other mommies remark, "That's great that he's so independent!" I'm sure they were musing quietly to themselves how much I'd be able to accomplish around the house with such an independent child.
Sigh.
Only my husband Dan seems to believe me when I describe the dual nature of our son's personality. Perhaps this is because he has also seen first hand the lightning change in the baby between quiet playtime to shrieking hysterics to giggling acrobatics, all within a minute's time. It's not so hard to believe that there's more than one little baby in that little body when witnessing such drastic mood swings.
ARE WE THERE YET?
I've been repeatedly admonished to "enjoy these moments while they last", but yet I still can't help looking ahead wistfully. Sure, watching Jake on the verge of entering toddlerhood is fun, but I wish constantly that Jake were just a *little* bit older so we could start having some real fun.
I wish this when we make our first trip to the outdoor pool of the season, and Jake screams his head off after the first 5 minutes because the water's cold, while the older kids are having a blast. I wish this when I check the local library's activity schedule, and see more than five kids' activities that look REALLY fun.... aimed at ages 3-6. I wish this when we forego our yearly trip to a local amusement park because Jake would not be old enough to enjoy the kiddie rides. I wish this when we go to the park, and the only thing Jake can enjoy are the baby swings, because he can't walk or climb over the other playground equipment. I wish this when Dan and I are enjoying bowls of ice cream to cool the hot summer evenings, and Jake looks wistfully at our ice cream, smacking his little lips for a cool treat too.
I know some of these wishes seem selfish, but really I wish these things for Jake's sake as well. Sure, I want to do more and enjoy more with him, but that's because I want to enjoy watching him have more fun. As it is, most of our excursions as attempts to enjoy summer activities and events seem to register with Jake as little more than everyday errands to the grocery store or such. In short, I want to have more fun by watching Jake have more fun.
Maybe this desire to rush Jake's progress into full toddlerhood fueled our impulse to give Jake his birthday present early. I found an amazing kiddie pool for Jake, complete with water slide, sprinklers, riding toy, and stacking rings. Well, yesterday I presented the idea to Dan that maybe we should go ahead and set the pool up for Jake so that we don't waste half the summer waiting for Jake's birthday to give him the pool. As always, a chance to not waste money appealed to Dan, so he set up the pool and attached the hose. The pool was beautifully bright and colorful; it was the epitomy of my best memories of fun in the summer sun. Jake played and explored the bright colors, and riding toy, and slide... for all of 5 minutes. Then he was more than ready to get out of the cold water.
Maybe years from now, as we're splashing Jake in the wave pool, or squirting each other in water gun fights, or watching Jake rush off to get in line for the big slide at the playground, we'll look back and miss the days of babyhood.
I look forward to the chance to find out.
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