Food For Thought

I'M WITH THE BABY

Dan and I had our first date night in a while last Sunday. The evening was a wonderful success. My favorite part was walking to and from the movie theater with empty arms... unheard of! However, the service at the restaurant felt a little flat. The server forgot our bread and was somewhat oblivious to our empty beverage glasses. It was no big deal, we simply had to remind her, but we still felt slightly bereft. Then I realized why.

We didn't have Jake with us.

Dining with Jake at a restaurant is like dining with a mini-celebrity. Servers and patrons alike fawn and coo whenever he's around. Servers swarm to attend to his every need, and sometimes crowd around two rows deep to entertain him and coax flirtatious smiles from his sweet little face. I can easily summon someone from the outer edges with suggestions like "Could the baby have some water?" or "Do you have any crayons?" and a couple of servers will peel away with the fervor of a Pony Express rider, eager to accomodate Jake's slightest whim or comfort. Of course, we tip generously, but still we realize the servers' true reward comes when Jake deigns to flash those six little pearly whites in their direction.


IF THEY ONLY KNEW

Jake is so pleasing and entertaining when we dine out, that it's hard to imagine the change in personality when he's seated in his highchair at home. Perhaps the illustration would be best described by a comparison to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde:

Dr. Jake In-Public bounces happily up and down in his booster chair.
Mr. Jake At-Home bucks and arches his back to get out of his highchair the moment he's in.

Dr. Jake In-Public flirts happily with the servers before coyly accepting bites of offered food.
Mr. Jake At-Home refuses all bites and eventually tastes the tidbits on his tray, only to spit them out in his lap.

Dr. Jake In-Public will quietly sip his beverage while peering around docilely at his fellow diners.
Mr. Jake At-Home will reach for his cup of juice only to screech and turn his head when it's proffered.

Dr. Jake In-Public is too distracted by his surroundings to play with his food.
Mr. Jake At-Home revels in smearing and staining his highchair tray, clothes, his hair, Mommy, his inner ear, and the floor with his food.

People might find it hard to believe that I would happily volunteer to get a root canal in someone's place if they were willing to feed Jake at home for me for a couple days. At least with the root canal I'd have access to painkillers.


WAIT JUST A MINUTE, MISTER

Father's Day is here, and to help Dan relax and enjoy his day I planned to do some of the things he did for me on Mother's Day to relax. I thought about volunteering to do all the diaper changes for the day. Wait... I already do that. So then I thought about taking care of all Jake's feedings. Wait... I already do that too. Hmmm... bathing, temper tantrums, boo-boos... I was started to feel put-out and miffed.

But only for a minute.

Then I realized that a lot of the day-to-day work I do around the house is echoed by all the work that Dan does to support it. Sure, I do most of the diaper changes, but Dan works to provide the money to pay for those diapers and wipes. I handle most of Jake's feedings, but Dan provides the means to feed all of us, including treats that we might not need. Through Dan's support, I'm able to dedicate my days to caring for Jake, and I can avoid the worry and stress of finding someone else to care for him. Even the sheer number of hours Dan works to allow Jake and I a typical day of grocery shopping, swimming at the Y, and going to playgroups are mind-boggling when all added up.

Fathers are often listed as secondary parents, as also-rans in the final credits of a grown child's life, with mommies receiving top-billing. The visible hours I put into raising Jake are matched by the mostly invisible work Dan puts in to provide for and protect us, yes, both Jake and myself. Every family is different, and every family member has different roles to play. In our family, Dan is the steel infrastructure, the metal and gears, the precision circuitry that keeps the delicate machinery of our family life running smoothly.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, DAN!

Jake is so lucky to have such a wonderful daddy as you. I will do my best to make sure he realizes this as he grows through childhood. And I hope that he grows into your fortitude, selflessness, and love when he becomes a man himself.